Meanwhile, the startup company’s CTO had sent me a message to let me know that they are going on a different direction on their hiring but they would like to keep my resume in file. Nevertheless, that interview has served its purpose. His story has inspired me to go for my dreams of making it big on my own even if that means breaking free from the safety of employment. He was basically a developer like me for many years working hard for companies who made millions from software he made and he did it over and over until one day he realized why should he be the one who makes millions instead? Why shouldn’t I be my own employer? But on the meantime, my health takes priority. Rest assured, I will have more time to write now especially now that my creative juices are flowing.

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I’ll tell you what I’d do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That’s it? If you had a million dollars, you’d do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; ’cause chicks dig dudes with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well, the type of chicks that’d double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.
Lawrence: Well, what about you now? what would you do?
Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Well, yeah.
Peter Gibbons: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
Peter Gibbons: I would relax… I would sit on my ass all day… I would do nothing.
Lawrence: Well, you don’t need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin: he’s broke, don’t do shit.

This blog is not meant to be an “I hate my work” site but I just can’t help it. This is one of the reasons I wanted to take the long break anyways. But day by day it seems that taking it slowly and planning for August is something I can’t stand waiting now.

Yesterday, my stress came back to me again with a vengeance. And it’s not just stress, I am just tired of doing the things I am doing and feel that others have it better. This is also made worse after interviewing several freelancers to help me in my job. It is just hard to forget in my mind that many people in this country can get away charging XX Euros per hour not having answered half of my technical questions. And to add to that he was telling me how great it is to be a freelancer in this time of age. The job market is really bad for employers, but it is a haven for us. So definitely I feel like a sucker. Why do I let my company stress me out like this for 2 years when I could go out and find a job that interests me and still make a killing. Immediately I tell my husband I want to be a freelancer like him and update my resume. I think it is a good idea to make a bit more money right before we make the plunge and also get to improve my skills — in the area that interests me. But also, he cautions me that maybe I just truly need a rest somehow. I assure him, this is also not just my stress. I am doing this inline with our general plan.

I admit, I still have fears and doubts about the outcome if I just leave the country seeing how good the market is. We are not even sure if we would both really like it there — although I am so positive about it. And it’s sometimes hard to justify the “idea” of just leaving your stable job just like that to family and friends when some of them are thinking it is the responsible thing to do — to have a stable job. In my mind, I am definitely convinced that it is the right thing to do but sometimes, the pull of the crowd is too strong. I think you all know what I mean. But today, I am going to enjoy my day-off.