I am writing this now with some emotions clouding my writing so pardon me if this becomes a rant. First of all, I want to be honest but going back here in the Philippines with my Dutch husband kinds of puts me in a really strange situation now. These have been my initial experiences. First of all, I feel that all the good attention and service is focused on him by fellow Filipinos, and I see it even within my family. I even feel at times that even my own mother treats him better than me. Back in the Netherlands, it wasn’t even as bad as this! At least most of the time, I felt people behaved very normal to me, and if it does happen I know it’s because of my difficulty with the language. Here, people do not even seem to be interested in getting to know me at all! Another thing that sucks is that here in this country most ladies that hangout with white guys are usually after their money and considered to be on the dodgy side of society. You know what I mean by this. It is also because a lot of dirty old men from other countries come here and pick up young girls sometimes literally from the streets to be their girlfriends. I hate to admit but sometimes, I feel very self conscious about all the snidy remarks and presumptions people might put upon me. I was one of those myself. I used to be in another kind of crowd. The crowd that doesn’t hangout with other foreigners that have 15 year old maids as their lovers. Please don’t take this against me as being “matapobre” or anything, I don’t even know where to put myself. I totally cannot relate to the socialite strata of the Philippines either. I also cringe and have goosebumps being around the so called sosy, privileged crowd with drivers and yayas and mercedes benzes. Darn! What is this happening to me, I feel like an odd ball here!