Fast-forward to now.. I come back to the Philippines not knowing what is there for me. I have done my sabbatical. I have helped out start my husband’s team. But what is there now for me to do? If you have known me all my life (and read the first paragraph) you would guess it right — I would be trying to continue where I left of here in my old country. I would apply for jobs, like everyone else! That’s reasonable? Why not? That’s the first thing every Philippine-raised regular girl would think normally.

But think again, the job market I left 15 years ago is still the same, right? WRONG! I am still the same person after all, right? WRONG AGAIN! I know it will take years and many deep reflection before I really admit that I am not the same person that left Manila 15 years ago. Period. But..but.. First of all, it is not even what I think but what others think of me. Imagine you are listening to me in an interview and I tell you everything I did the past 15 years, would you even relate? This is not about me thinking I am superior or better but imagine having someone decide and evaluate if I would fit in their team I think either they would find me very interesting and worth hiring or they would feel threatened or even jealous, or worse they would think I am just bragging. I do hope it’s not the latter. I am now a foreigner. No! No! I was born here you see I am Fil-Am. But to the eyes of the local I am not. It doesn’t help me telling them I have a Dutch husband running an IT team here. I am forever different no matter how much I try. What about the stories I tell them? Would they even appreciate the new / radical ideas I have to offer? The non-competitive salaries don’t help either. It makes me think twice why I am wasting my time giving my time to greedy and conniving employers that don’t even care or value me or worse, have no plans on following the law. There are much more people competing for the same jobs as ever before. Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing, it is relative. It is a good thing for employers of course! They have the upperhand because they are scarce and we are not.

I want to do my part in helping my countrymen but I will be honest these will all be empty words unless I do something real. I could of course start a business. Yes, of course there are many opportunities. However, I will admit my business acumen and tolerance to risk is not something I have even started developing at a basic level. I am trying my best to discover another side of me which has not been tapped. To be an entrepreneur means hardwork (can do that!). It is discipline — working on it every single day without giving up. The temptation is still there for me to still continue pushing myself back towards the treadmill that is called employment. Having a career and hunting for the next job opportunity is what I do know, after all.

I long for the day when things will be clear. When that day comes, there is no turning back.

Basically, the past 2 years I have been talking mostly about the process we went through regarding our move here from idea, to research, to decision, to making the first step to actually living here. Right now, I can honestly say we are a bit more settled here and love our new place and of course we’re so blessed to see MrC’s IT outsourcing venture becoming very stable and slowly growing (11 people now and interviewing for 2 positions).

I also see this blog evolving from a journal or personal blog to some sort of magazine or information source for people thinking of coming back to the Philippines or even a networking site or support group for those that are already here and needing help/direction in resettling or in the case of first timers settling anew. My target reader would be an expat or an OFW or balikbayan. Those who have been accustomed to living elsewhere and trying to get to know the ins and outs of this country.

If you’re reading this and have suggestions do email me or post comments here. Thanks! – mixxy

Here’s a month by month rundown of what happened to us.

December: We arrived at the airport in the morning and was picked up by my Mom and uncle. Since we had an apartment ready for us we were able to move in same day. Later on, we got in touch again with the Dutch IT business guy we met last September. We then met other Dutch expats on several occasions. We spent some days also in a beach resort in La Union and attended his company’s Christmas party. Christmas and New Year was just spent quietly at home with my Mom.

January: Our stuff arrived and I took care of handling the government paperwork involved with tax and duty free exemption. We spent a weekend in Baguio and stayed at The Manor.

February: We started employing part time live out househelp. Possible contract with Dutch client shows up in the horizon. We started scouting for office space and ended up renting one next to our apartment building.

March: The Manila Offshoring Office opens with 5 new people on the team! Work commenced immediately after furniture and all pc’s arrived. MrC’s Dad and business partner visits from the Netherlands and is there for the Office Blessing. MrC becomes a godfather (ninong) for the first time! We also spent 4 days in Kyoto in celebration of both our birthdays this month.

April: Visited The Netherlands for 3 Weeks at the height of spring. We stayed in a house near the Keukenhof. It’s very beautiful out there but we realized driving back and forth to the place takes too much time! We were so happy to be back home — in the Philippines where it is warm, sunny and never boring!

May: Started looking for a .Net developer. Interviewed several good candidates but with no luck in hiring. Took a short but relaxing break in a resort in Subic. After coming back from that trip, we bought a new car, (a gorgeous red SUV) after a few days and suffered from buyer’s remorse shortly after that (the remorseful feeling lasted only a few minutes).

Life here has been quite good and we are thankful for our blessings. We were also able to hire a driver through MrC’s Dutch local business associate.

June: I registered as a voter in Mandaluyong. Then, we decided that it’s finally time to leave our “very convenient” but small and smoky nest near EDSA for a more spacious house a bit farther from the noise and pollution of the the CBD’s. We started house hunting once again. Another reason also is that the Office has had so many issues / problems that we could not anymore overlook. We also realized that the Building Management is hard to work with.

July: We continued looking for places but had no luck in finding one. We kept ourselves positive in spite of the frustrations. MrC also had to go back to the Netherlands for a few weeks and I chose to stay here (bad idea for me).

August: Just as soon as we were almost giving up we found the house that we wanted finally! Also, our newly found .Net Developer started working for us. He was actually applying for Linux Admin position and we were just lucky to find out he is also a good .NET developer as well. Indeed we are lucky! Or should we say it was all meant to be Also, we started applying for MrC’s permanent residency.

September: We moved to our new place! Later on, we endured days of storm and flood (Ondoy). We are so thankful that our house was not flooded. We were so glad we didn’t end up renting some of the houses we saw in Pasig which were all now flooded. Our Pioneer office was damaged by this storm but this allowed us to discontinue our lease. We then started looking for a new office (again!). Total number of people in our team is now 8 not including me and MrC.

October : Our ties at Pioneer is totally severed as I turned over the keys to our landlord and also moved all our office belongings to our new office in Ortigas. We had another trip again out of the country but this time it was different for me. I first went to Amsterdam and stayed for 5 days then took another flight to Newark and stayed there also for 5 days. There I stayed at my old friends place in NJ and Pennsylvania. I also went there primarily to keep my drivers license current. After that I spent 7 happy days with my family in Canada. I left Canada with tears in my eyes

November to present: I spent a few weeks away from the office also to recover from the trip and get myself back in the current time zone. I spent the past few days being responsible for furnishing the house. That involves a lot of painful visits to the mall, a hardship I tried to endure I also by the way, completed a SQLServer Analytical Services training course somewhere in Makati. In the next few days I hope to be busy with my usual IT Work again and have a more organized home before the New Year starts. Our house now has a beautiful Christmas Lantern which I bought near our place. It costs 900 pesos.

MrC and I have been interviewing several candidates for our .net Team and I’m somehow exhausted but at the same time delighted to know how good and talented the programmers we have been seeing so far. All of them are low-key, honest to goodness professionals in their field who know their thing. And, I am also somehow relieved that their salaries are on the higher end of the scale here (I have the same skill-set and that’s something good to know in case I actually need to get a job locally). The only difference that MrC is looking for is someone who is really self-driven, meaning someone who likes to learn new things by himself at home, out of pure geeky interest. Not merely seeing the job as a money making venture but an obsession to learn the technology.. ok ok that’s too much I guess to ask. But actually, for me I am already having a hard time choosing myself. It’s really hard to predict if someone will like the work or stay long in the job, and even better know how to get things done the right way and not get stressed about it. But one thing I am really happy to see is that, Filipino workers are talented, highly trainable, but also full of hope. You see it in our smiles.

Right now, with all our important stuff with us it is not hard to admit that it adds to the feeling of being at home.  In spite of all the bumps along the way and the disappointments and unhappy surprises that dealing with Filipinos has shown us we are again one step closer to getting to know our new home and our surroundings better.

Today, we just came back from a business trip to Baguio where we spent sometime with our business partner and the first programmer.  Our business partner, is of the same nationality as MrC and through all our long talks he and MrC still shared that still the Filipinos are one hell of a mystery for him.  I share in their sentiment.  Even I don’t understand why some people say things and act a certain way.   Being late is one of the things that standout among the list of things foreigners don’t understand — even me sometimes.   I also for instance, remember again that in here there are meanings behind what someone would say or do.  For this, I am sometimes suspicious of motives behind people’s actions.   I wish people could have been upfront with us, with the brokers for example and things in general.

We also covered the topic of “crab mentality”.   I was actually the one who provided them with the right terminology.  It came up as a result of a surprising move of his maid who recently left them and while leaving started to backstab the Filipina wife of our business partner.   It’s sad but true but envy is something we see everyday here.

As for me, I would add that here in the Philippines the resources seem quite not enough that I have never seen so much competition and this I did not see in US or Netherlands.  That is, in jobs, in business, in relationships and hell yes, in being attractive!  Is it just me but I noticed a huge bombardment of pressure to be whiter, to be sexier, to have better skin, better, shiny hair!  And what is this I hear about 80,000 nurses took the latest board exams? I see a lot of review centers everywhere for all things, IELTS, and all acronyms as such and even getting to Ateneo, DLSU or UP.  I even saw a review center to get into Philippine Science and Ateneo High School.   In my time, I never felt this amount of competition and pressure to actually go through hoops just to get into the right places.    I am guessing it’s just that the amount of people twenty years ago had just grown tremendously and that the resources that should gave grown with it did not. Maybe this is the reason.

I guess that’s the deal-breaker. The second major thing is that his business partner finds that having us together as owners in the same company spells imbalance in the control of the direction of the business. They have both worked hard to develop their business for over a year already and having me there seems like not the right thing to do and besides.. didn’t I say earlier like you know.. when I started this blog that I wanted to have SABBATICAL. That was one of my main goals of choosing to move back to the Philippines. That will be a time for me not only to rest but to explore my interests, skills and develop myself free from any care or expectations from anyone. I think that is the way to go for me. However, I can foresee that my sabbatical will not take that long and soon I will discover something really cool for me to do. Of course, the only thing I can see myself doing right now is to be an IT professional/consultant and starting my own outsourcing company is always a dream that I would like to pursue but I think I should restrain myself from pushing myself too soon and then risk getting myself burned out again.

On the other hand, we both know and acknowledge that with this new big undertaking both of us should benefit and not just only one. We are in the process of coming up a plan or deal that in the end benefits both of us. In the next posts I hope this will be clear. I am after all giving up a pretty good job that pays well enough and an okay situation that I would probably miss from time to time. It’s a challenging job and has its ups and down but overall it’s a career and I do not see myself giving up on my personal dreams and ambitions for nothing.

And regarding our upcoming trip we have been slowly developing our itinerary as well for our upcoming visit. Later, we would be making appointments with some interesting people we’d like to meet as well as family of course. Only a few more weeks and we’re there !!

This week, our new plan has been slightly modified again. This time, we would be first taking a 4 week vacation to the Philippines sometime in end of May or June and go where we want to go and see where we really want to live and if we both like it there. I think we would like it there if we find a nice area we feel at home and where we will find talented Programmers that are willing to work for us. Afterwards, we will decide and make final plans to move our stuff and then I will resign finally. I have told my manager all about this and assured them I will give them time to find a replacement for me. But as of now, it’s all very fuzzy still. Suddenly, with spring coming, birds start to chirp and flowers bloom. The mood suddenly changes. Things become less dreary it seems, and my mood has been better. I have also befriended a fellow Filipina and I have spent an afternoon at her house singing karaoke. But although everything seems well now and I am very happy with the situation, at the back of my mind I want the Software Development business to still be realized and the Philippines is the only place that seems appropriate for us to do it right now. Not here, not the U.S. but in the Philippines. But what is it that makes me sad now, in spite of all this? It is the same feeling I had when I was about to leave the Philippines to accept a job offer in the States. I was having fun then, I hangout with great colleagues, and I was well paid and was a in a senior position. I was really sad about leaving this kind of life with a life that was uncertain. Right now, our life is relatively comfortable. We could afford to pay for cleaning and such so our life here is also quite comfy and a bit spoiled somehow. Weather is bad here but I like the cool breeze in the summer and spring. But yes weather sucks here big time outside of spring and summer. It’s the travel opportunities that I will miss somehow. I will miss meeting people of different cultures and backgrounds and seeing the eccentricities of each country I visit. I still want to see the whole of Europe. Believe me, it’s a bit too ambitious but I do still want to have the chance to visit these exotic villages in Europe and see exotic individuals in spite of the difficulties and culture shock that go along with it. I actually want it. However, the tradeoff to this is that I have to comply with the rules of my home country and this is where I have trouble dealing with. I’d like to realize my other dream as well – the business and not being pounded by bureaucracy and language barriers! Yes, I admit, I have a love-hate relationship with the Netherlands. I am both sad and happy about being here. I hope I can get over these uncertain feelings and finally be at peace with whatever decision we make.

But then, maybe our preparation timeline is quite unrealistically short after all. We still need to talk about our roles in the business. I would like him to see me as his equal and I wanted to be assured that he trusts my technical abilities as well as dedication to our business. I also want to know if this synergy between us will continue in the workplace as I hoped it would be. I want our working relationship to be both professional and fun at the same time. We can be both like Mulder and Scully and Jim and Pam at the same time, can’t we?. I have worked with lots of men in this field and one of the most irritating experiences involved men with large egos and those who underestimate my capabilities. But on the other hand, I have seen myself work in a team environment with great synergy with my peers both men and women alike. I would like to be respected as much as I respect others. And this time, I want to run the show as much as he does. I just hope we can always reach a compromise at all times without emotions hurt. And certainly I don’t want our disagreements to even reach home.

Some of the questions that linger in my mind are:

Is it possible for a Husband-Wife Team to become successful entrepreneurs? Will our married life suffer if we enter into a high-stress business such as IT?

I just read several articles about husbands and wives starting up their business and that now I am considering finding a therapist or coach who does family business counseling. MrC (the hubby), had suggested we should draft some kind of agreement on a smart exit strategy in case it all blows up because either one of us wants to be out of the business or worse (knock on wood) the relationship. We don’t even want to imagine that this might happen but we want to be protected from personal financial disasters should these things happen. The important points I picked up from these articles include the following:

• Always put your relationship first and set boundaries
• Don’t let work become your life. Remember to play together as well.
• Communication and commitment is key
• Working together puts an added strain on your relationship

We tend to view the business as our baby. We are of course still open and aiming to also become parents of a real human baby but as of now, with or without one it is okay for both of us. There are pressures from family and some people around to push us to have a family but that’s not as simple as it seems biologically and practically at this time and that is another issue that is outside of the confines of this blog.

Now at least I feel a bit relieved that I have now expressed what I feel now and that this is one of my major fears coupled with the idea of leaving our existing “stable” situation here and then putting up a startup in another country with so much uncertainty. And by the way, to update you about my job woes, right now everything has totally turned for good. It’s like I started in a new company. They have done a great deal in making things better for me such as hiring additional competent staff and it makes all the difference in the world. My interest and energy has come back in my job that now the whole perspective has changed. Keep posted for more articles on my ever swaying moods about life here in the Netherlands and my ever-indecisive female mind concerning moving to the Philippines. It is after all an open idea, the plan is there but as it not set in stone things can evolve in really strange way. If it is your first time to read this blog, I encourage you to visit the blog regularly to see how this plan evolves. All comments and suggestions are appreciated.

Another thing hanging is the fact that I passed the driving theory test and that is only good for one year. I have been driving since I was 20 years old both in the Philippines and the US and here I could not even drive at all because believe me it is not that easy to pass the theory test and after that you can’t even take the practical test immediately. They want you to take driving lessons all over again and they cost a fortune (average is 40 Euros per hour) and I have heard horror stories from others who had experiences with these driving instructors deliberately preventing them from actually taking the test by making them less confident during the lessons and not giving the recommendation to take the practical test just because they can suck the money out of you because you have no choice thinking that you have already invested so much in it. Here you cannot do practices with someone who has a license, you must be accompanied by a driving instructor. It costs a lot of money to get a drivers license and many people fail it so many times before they even get one.

Since we are leaving the country I don’t see myself now even trying for this. But still I may try to consider this when I have enough free time and psychologically ready to undergo it. Even then, if we don’t end up staying in the Philippines, we will come back here just to regroup and make plans to move either to the U.S. or Canada.

And also, by the way, I would like share an article I accidentally found lately which deeply bothered me. I hope this would enlighten anyone who might be considering a move here or another country similar to this. Please read the following: Is “accent” a form of racism?